you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
