she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
