At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
