When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
