Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
