You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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