Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
