Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want to be your penis for a week.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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