WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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