My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ugly people sure do ruin things
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
