I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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