i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
