We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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