Fine. I'll sleep in my office
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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