Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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