Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
