Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
