I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
