How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize