Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
