I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This house was built for laser tag.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
