People in love make me want to vomit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
