she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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