Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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