he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
