I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize