My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
