Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
