then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
