Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
