So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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