Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just high enough for therapy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
These tits shall not be calmed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
