WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
