a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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