You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize