the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
