Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
