she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
