good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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