I didn't shave. On purpose
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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