I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize