Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you will always have a special place in my vag
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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