I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
