OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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