I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
