Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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