We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im six kinds of drunk right now
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
