Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
