i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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