i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
