you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
