That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
