so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
