he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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