Me. At least after what I've been through.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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