i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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