I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
then he tried to convert me to islam
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
