Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize