How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
