Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just had sex on a roof
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize