Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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