Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
