4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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