I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nicole vs. Life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize