just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
