i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
