her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
