They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
