I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
