With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize